I Know for a Fact by Spencer Ratcliff

I know for a fact the world is flat and the moon is made of cheese
That the CIA killed Luther King and that all the bees have knees
And when it comes to fairy tales I know them to be true
Like Sleeping Beauty, Peter Pan and Cinderella too,
the Big Bang Theory’s just a lie, the Bible tells us so
The world was made in just six days… another fact I know

I know that global warming’s false, a giant bloody fib
I don’t believe in Satan and I know Eve comes from Adam’s rib
I know that Churchill never planned to ‘fight ‘em on the beaches’
And Charlie boy was joking with his ‘origin of the species’
I also know Descartes was wrong with “I think, therefore I am”
So those who don’t, just cannot be … do you think they give a dam.

It’s a fact they never got Bin Laden as they said
and that Hitler fled to Chile and pretended he was dead
That Eichmann wasn’t guilty when they put him up for trial
Six million jews, it wasn’t him…pure holocaust denial
That Mugabe is a gentleman who wouldn’t hurt a fly
That Nixon, Bush and Tony Blair would never tell a lie

It’s poppycock that screen star Rock was into handsome men
That Elvis ever put on weight and took drugs now and then
And when they say that it’s not safe to smoke a cigarette,
I don’t believe a word of it…. it hasn’t hurt me yet

I know it’s false that Thatcher had a million workers sacked
and that Papa Pius never helped the Nazis… that’s a fact
I’ve never had a single doubt Guantanamo Bay was fake
They’d never jail without a trial… come on, for goodness sake!
I’m confident that North Korea won’t start a nuclear war
And that Pakistan and India won’t argue anymore

I’m sure that mass destruction was just waiting in the dark
when they sent a thousand scuds at night to devastate Iraq
I know the Taliban are good and run away from fights
and they only plant their IEDs to fight for women’s rights!

I fully trust when Israel says it’s working hard for peace,
to give the Arabs back their land and have the bombing cease
It’s plain to all that Jesus Christ was not the son of God
and that Buddha and Mohammed were really rather odd

I also don’t believe it that the Brits once ruled the waves
Or that the USA once cracked the whip across the backs of slaves
It’s blatant lies to tell us that the Catholic priests had sex
Especially with the little kids… they’d all be mental wrecks!

I’ve always believed in Santa Claus and Rudolph in the snow
And ET really does exist….just another thing I know
I know that all the refugees are happy in their tents
With colour telly, water, food and air condition vents

I only know that I know best… there’s nothing I don’t know
And if I may… I’ll have a final word before I go?
Now don’t you ever dare forget, I’m never wrong, so please….
Remember that the world is flat …. and the moon is made of cheese